Relationships

I create stories for a living. I went to school for four years to study storytelling in film and animation, but I am not interested in just creating fictional stories. I am interested in the stories we tell ourselves (am I weak or dumb), the stories we create daily (am I creating a tragedy or an epic adventure), and the love stories that we accumulate over our lifetime.

Of all these stories the most obsessed over is the Love Story.  The guy has his role and the girl has hers.  If you don’t know what part you’re playing you get dumped. The story is for the girl, and of the many reasons guys get dumped is because they want the love story to be about them.  They want to be the chasers, the captors, the ones that fall and open their hearts to her.

Most men are worried about capturing a girl, that they don’t even pay attention if she is in love with them.  Some girls go along with this and after 10 years that woman has never known what true love is until another guy comes along and steals her away because she got bored.

This is a failure of storytelling from the first guy.

It’s the duty of the guy to create the Love Story.  He must be aware that a successful story has mystery, anticipation, and a climax.

A girl wants to chase the guy, to go through the highs and lows of missing him and then getting back together. She wants to feel as if she can to tame this wild and crazy beast.

But a man must be strong enough to carry her when she does fall.  His love for her comes in his non-attachment. His ability to open space between them when she does get bored, to create doubt in her mind that this man can turn wild any moment again.

Her love story is taming the wild beast. A man’s part is to carry her through her emotions without giving up his wild nature. If you’re a good storyteller, they’re always going to be wondering, “What is going to happen next?”

I spent last night and this morning watching Ali Wong’s two Netflix specials.  And she is good.  I like raunchy, sexual jokes and she has plenty of that. What I like the most about Ali Wong’s specials is she goes deep into a woman’s psychology to get a man.  The strategies women use to trap a man like not sleeping with him until the third or fifth date, making a sandwich for him so he can become dependent on her, or bringing him down on occasion so he won’t have the ego to go with a younger woman.

Comedians are gold mines for relationships.  They are not scared to go into detail about the boring aspects that make a relationship hard.  To sum up Chris Rock you are either single and lonely or married and bored.

I laughed throughout the entire show, but then you start thinking about what she is saying. And then you go wait one minute, she just told you how to make a man a putz.

I’m always concerned when a girl says, “Me and my Boo are best friends.”  They do everything together, go everywhere together, there is no separation.  You want to take the guy to a quiet corner and ask him, “Do you guys still fuck.”

Women’s game is simple, take a man’s balls so he won’t be going anywhere. That is why women put on the little cute outfits and “act” like little hoes to lower your defenses. But once she knows she’s got you, her sexy outfits, her submissive temperament, and sexual cravings disappear like your balls.

I like Ali Wong because she tells you about women’s dual nature when she has no guy and when she has one locked in.  In her twenties, she is sucking dick at the park and under bridges, but once she’s got you completely for herself, NO more blowjobs for you.  If she’s not too tired she might give you a handjob.

This is my biggest fear.  Getting a girl who used to be that free loving girl, but once she is with you she doesn’t want to do that sexy, kinky stuff no more.

So how do you not lose your balls to a woman? You go to another comedian Patrice O’Neal to learn about men’s game.  He says you can never love a woman a hundred percent.  You can love her ninety percent, but she has to know that if she stops putting her best foot forward, cheats on you that you are going to leave.

Patrice O’Neal says, “Just because you caught a gorgeous fish does not mean you put away your pole and boat and jump into the water with her. That fish might ask “Why do you still have your fishing pole out and boat if you have me.  Patrice answers that a man needs to do what he did to capture that girl’s heart today and the next 50 years.

A man need’s to keep fishing for her heart every day and if need be he hasn’t lost practice to go out and catch another fish.

Keeping your pole is maintaining that fun, energetic, growing part of yourself. A girl wants you to get fat and lazy so she won’t have to worry about another girl getting you. If you aren’t appetizing to other fish why does she have to still give you that blowjob? So if she has doubt, she puts out.

That’s why it’s important to have a separation between a man and a girl. You do your thing and she does her thing.  It keeps mystery between you.  That’s why I don’t take girls to the gym with me.  That’s my place, that’s where I go practice my fishing.  But I know that if I am still with her 20 years after it would probably get boring and she won’t be amazed by my strong arms and six-pack.

I want to be funny but not a putz.  If you have Netflix watch her specials and some Dave Chappelle too. He also has some thoughts on marriage too.